Morris

Morris and Alyx have a Podcast!!!1

2009-06-28T23:55:00.004-05:00

So, this is it people.

The new craziness that is of the adventures of Morris and Alyx. I know this is really really really really really late to the podcasting game but oh well. This should be fun.

First episode right here of us talking some local and personal stuff then we go bigger as we get into more national news etc.

Listen and enjoy and sya you were here in the beginning....

ciao!

sups'

2009-06-03T23:37:00.001-05:00

Almost fergot about this place....

Special Blend

2009-04-29T20:57:00.007-05:00

So.....

Im pretty sure it was last Monday night [4.27] that I decided to head over to Whataburger and burn some midnight oil to study for two finals I had on Tuesday. I wasn't falling asleep, so I thought Id take advantage of the....uhm................advantage.

It must've been about 4:00am when this lady in scrubs walked in, she looked about late thirties.
35+ ?

I'unno Im bad at that kinda thing.

Some how, I knew....I just knew!........that she was going to sit next to me. Now, heres the layout, I was in a booth with papers a-scatter and about two behind me was an employee on break just chillin. Thats it, the rest of the place was empty....

So this nurse orders coffee - turns and proceeds to my booth.

"Hi. Can I join you?"

She sits as I move my clutter so she can set her empty canteen that she pours her coffee in. She just starts asking me about the classes I was taking and we chat a bit about the Swine Flu Zombie Outbreak.

I guess what I really remember from the conversation was her reaction to when I said that I was majoring in Digital Media...graphics etc.

and her response was a smirk and this:

"oh, well have you seen the [news] papers for the jobs in that? Theres not very many."

she said some stuff about her cousin or something doing the same thing and not really finding a job here.

I was depressed by her comment for about 3/4 of a second. That point where I was about to ask myself where I was going etc.

..........then.

I pitied her.

As an empathetic person, I peered into her and saw that she was on of those people who went into nursing because she saw there was money, and good for here-making it through, but thats it. In our conversation she was even complaining about it, but always came back to justify it with "....it's good money though"

I know she wasnt judging me or trying to put me down [maybe], but I knew that she didnt know me or my plans. How ever educated her guess was of me; it wasnt enough to flail me.
Her perspective of a career just being a free way that everyone eventually takes the on ramp to just to match the rest of the worlds speed and drive along only looking forward to weekends....

I know I want to do stuff.....crazy stuff with my "career".....and thats how me and someone like her differ......

She filled her canteen with the "special blend" coffee from a fast food restaurant. Said "Fuck 'em." to the fact that she was an hour late for work and walked out the establishment, but not before advertising her own depiction one last time to me with "....maybe you should try Nursing."

....and left at that.

I smiled and saw a flash of how the universe functioned.

The Apt Minimalist

2009-04-18T16:42:00.006-05:00

"There it is...."

He said aloud aptly, as he always does when the kick of his cigarette comes in and the knees weaken a bit. Eyes closed to enjoy the moment reminds him of the times that he would shut his eyes while driving home on most weekdays. The pace of movement of all that around him and him none the wiser as to what occurs, almost in the sense to rid himself of the responsibility to act or even react.

He opens his eyes to the world now tinted with a blue. Lost in the sway of the branches and music that covers his ears.

"This is my life, and it's ending one minute at a time."

One would venture to guess that this is a bad thing, but for him this is a statement he does not mind so much. Even to the point of enjoyment and pride, appreciative. He is proud of who he is, not necessarily of all that he's done, but of where he is in his life and those around him. Of how he speaks true to himself, of how less and less each day he bends to the will of others and mass norms.

He has rid himself of not only the possession, but the desire to posses the things that he does not need. Trapped only by his bounds which come easily and natural bring him to laugh silently at the world's social follies that surround him everyday.

The pinnacle is a farce, but closer than ever before. He knows that he will not become perfect, only more perfect and holds to the highest constant variable that he knows in his life's past, present and future; himself~

Need some ppl help!

2009-04-03T00:39:00.005-05:00

Im gonna start a photograph series of people portraits. There are many times where Ill have ideas but they always fade and never make it to fruition. NOT THIS TIME! Im just gonna jump in. So, I would really appreciate if you'd participate and I promise cake~!

im not gonna say its not weird, but its not too weird.

~please drop me a comment if you are interested, I can fill u in on more details.

Donde esta Morris!?

2009-03-26T00:31:00.003-05:00

I know I havent posted here as much as I used to or as frequently. Its not that I dont want to or dont have anything to say, but...

....well I get out all my blogging by micro-blogging with Twitter. Then there is Tumblr where I go through more stuff of a variety and the community is so booming that theres constant updates, not to mention a really kewl phone audio post option. but I digrees.....or do I?

anyway. should u wonder what im up to follow me on

Twitter: twitter.com/zMorris

or

Tumblr: zMorris.tumblr.com

they are both great services and Id recomend em 10 fold to any of you, my dear friends.

Austin

2009-03-12T14:32:00.001-05:00

So.....

Im heading up to Austin tomorrow for the weekend. I wish I could be there longer.meh
The entirely of the geek culture is expected to be there for South by South West. Its kinda crazy seeing all the ads for different parties and such. Plus it will all be in good fun cz the geeks are heading it all up.

Theres even this girl on twitter who's gonna randomly tweet updates throughout the week on random free cupcake spots. how kewl is that. Hope to meet sone kewl ppl up there and all gz well.

Live Diggnation! w00t~!

Whats in a name....!?

2009-03-01T14:24:00.004-06:00

I was on Digg.com and came across a story that I kinda shrugged off, but still read the article.

It was this article that Boston News had produced about a building that was being constructed right across from a Dan Farber Cancer Institute. I'm not sure if it's an institute only for children, but what was happening was that kids that were being treated there stood at a window facing the new building - still in the stages of laying down the iron beams for each floor, and took sheets of paper - wrote their names as big as they could and held / pasted them against the window.

You see what was going on is that the workers laying down the massive pieces of iron were seeing the kids putting up their names and started spray painting them on the iron beams. I know.
I know how people at times say thing about simple things in life and a child's innocence and the simple things in life etc. I guess you could say it's on of those things.

As I said, I kinda shrugged this as I read through it, but realized more of it as I saw the pics and thought about it a bit more.

I noticed that I was still like this. Specifically about the name thing. Even if its my nickname. There's something about how when I see my name on something, if it's geared to me personally of course. Or also yknow when people just kinda say your name when there's nothing else to say. Not like a disapproval, but more of like a "sum up" of whatever may be going on and your name can only describe what you've done.

Isnt that strange!?

How its possible for our names to sum up someones feelings about a situation you're a part of.

Its a little hard to explain futher from here I think, but you get the jist of it.
[i hope]

Here some more pics:

Ten Feet

2009-02-20T00:50:00.007-06:00

He must be at least ten feet away from the ledge. Hugging his knees and remembering when he was actually on that edge.

"It wasn't so bad, was it?" he thought, but knew the truth all to well. As we all do in these predicaments...

he shifted his feet releasing a loud crunch into the air. The first audible key his ears had been susceptible to in some time. So naturally he flinched.

The flinch jarred the memory of being on the edge. Half of his cliche black and white converse hanging over and the rush to catch your breathe that came with the look to the bottom. Jumping wasn't the goal, wasn't the temptation, nor an option.

It was the edge itself.

Some days the wind would come in from the East and make the day really interesting. Well "interesting" was one word for it. Sharp inhaled breaths every time the fall became more real. He wasn't scared. He wasn't smiling either, though. But did he feel alive.

Yes.

Regardless of how much time had passed, to him, it had only been yesterday. It would always be one day away. Felt about right.

His eyes just over his crossed arms still over his knees. Ten feet may not seem like alot, but it feels like a different world. He could see the ledge that seemed like a distant planet, he was star gazing.

Worst of all, he knew if he stood up...it would be easier to move towards the ledge again. Sure he would look back and ponder getting further away from it, but...its not what he wanted.

Aren't we supposed to have what we want.

no.

He had learned that long ago.

So for now he just sits...and waits. For what, who knows?

"One things for sure though..."

He licks his lips and stutters the dry words with colossal certainty.

"...that ledge has to come to me this time."

The Fuzz and Restrooms

2009-02-14T13:49:00.001-06:00

The Self Sabotuer

2009-02-12T00:32:00.006-06:00

He drove back from school, like he did everyday. Thinking of what to do once he arrived back to his city. Of course the movies he had to return were a glowing thought on the frontal lobe of his brain. The car descended down an overpass, the last one before the stretch between the cities he travels every weekday.

The sign read SPEED LIMIT 65

He was going 60 with the cruise control on. Pushed on the pedal to gain the extra 5 and hit the cruise control button once more to set it....only this time it was different.

Then it came.

A thought.

Like a fly on the back of your neck just dancing around driving you mad. Only your hands are busy doing something else, but once your done, oh you better believe its in for it. Death. More than death. Have your fun, because your 24hr lifespan will be cut down today sir or ma'am.

but nothing.

there was nowhere to reach. This thought had no point of origin. It was embedded so deep that he didn't know what to do...except think.

"I do this everyday. Everyday I come down that same slope and speed up 5mph. Everyday."

He narrated the possible "what if's" that would stem from a life like this one. That he would have this same thought one morning as he got ready for work. Dressed and ready for work, in his khaki pants and sky blue button shirt tucked in and all. He would be aligning his tie in the mirror and think this exact same thought again. This exact same moment. Then again once more, who knows how much more time down the line. Then again somewhere else.

Then once more.

He felt like a premise to a life shaking romantic comedy. He was all Reuben Feffer of a sudden, but where was Polly Prince?

Nowhere. This wasnt a movie.

This was real.

[LATER]

Driving with some friends to McDonald's, he pondered the thought of discussing this aloud. He usually kept this sorta thing to himself, but he felt this one was to big.

"Do you ever feel like..."

He explained the dilemma.

The night continued with the topic on and off mixed in with the charades of the night and other topics, and one comforted him whilst it went completely over the head of the other. As expected.
There was most certainly some reassurance though.

The Self Saboteur's blade had been gently removed from his own neck.

Placed on the table.

Perhaps the Self Saboteur was in fact rather had a Fear of Success.
...were they one in the same?

He was never one for label stamping. Especially on himself.

....but here we are

Cakes and Fish Bones

2009-02-10T08:52:00.001-06:00

Interesting/Lovely Words

2009-02-08T00:48:00.002-06:00

I was going to paste this in and cite it, but I wanted you who read to be aware of this blog too.

I randomly found this entry and Im not even sure what to say of it, but there is so much intelectually, emotionally, artistically and humanity in it.

Agree or disagree...it still exists:

Click--->The Day You Read This

GPOYW

2009-02-04T22:09:00.005-06:00

Gratuitous Picture of Yourself Wednesday.

Spar-Text-Ticus

2009-02-02T23:14:00.003-06:00

So, im supposed to be finishing some homework right now. Always seems to be the perfect time to blog, eh.

Im looking up companies to do a faux application process, as it were. I find my self jumbled between about 3 careers. It used to be only 2 until recently.

First off was graphic/web designer for printed and online materials and such. Then the idea grew more of films. I never thought it as too much of a ripe idea in my head to pursue, bu more and more I am finding a passion of the interaction with it. Whether an editor, screenwriter, on screen or whatever. I just want to be part of the process. Somehow I ended up looking up film internships for Austin Film Festivals and Revision3.com internships. meh.

...and 3rd now it in marketing/advertising. I realise that the designer is kind of that, but I've always been fascinated with marketing firms and the idea of creatively selling things. Its a bit desceptive, but it only adds to the dark side of it all. I know in history artist/hippies have been against the conglomerate of marketing, with the desception and all, but its a bit of an edge for me. A thrill of thinking "How can we make someone buy something, they dont need?"
I know its not always the case with every product, but still...I'd love to be one of those guys who pitches ideas and cleverly advertises. Even if Im not designing it.

ps. Ive added a widget on the top right with the current song in my head. theres always one in my head that sticks from something. Ill do my best to update it as in my head.

KTHXBYE

The End of the Begining

2009-01-28T03:50:00.002-06:00

After much soul searching....and by that I mean blog searching. I grew home sick. Allow me to xplain...

I tried Vox, but ended up entering a pool of over page clutter and ex-pownce grippers. it was an ok community, but what i didnt like was that it didnt allow for non members to comment. kinda bad really.

then I tried tumblr, which I still have [see link at top] and i like it for it frequent updates from many colors and shades of types of users. It is a good service, really. only I missed the aspect of writing and sharing...etc. its a good place for content of different medias from music to pics to videos and articles, but its no place for writting, its like an expansive twitter.

So......I grew homesick. came back and fix up this place you see here. For those of you who have changed your bookmakrs for my online presence, I thank you for your patience.

update RSS and bookmarks plz!

I've been cheating on you....

2008-12-03T03:14:00.000-06:00

That may sound off at first.heh. but....well....its true.

Ive been checking out this other blogging service. It has alot more functionality as far as actual social networking. Ive tried to interact with more ppl here randomly, but its seems like almost no one uses blogger. Im sure many do, but Ive tried pretty extensvively to find a social saturation.

Ive traveled further than most.

So recently Pownce was bought out by a Parent Company named Six Apart. In some readings of this Company; I learned of some of their services.

Vox.com is a very extensive and friendly blog service. Very interacting ppl with much to say. Recently a slight boom on its press from the buyout. but whatever. Its really kewl...

So in a nutshell.....or as Alyx would say " ...in a nutsack"

Im seriously debating on relocating my blog entirely to my new Vox.com home.

Please check it out and maybe even consider joining me there --> Click Here for Morris on Vox

[ps. I still love you all]

Anissa's Baby

2008-11-27T23:14:00.000-06:00

NADS #005

2008-11-24T13:15:00.000-06:00

Merry Thanksgiving.

If you see a Native American, go up to him and say you're sorry......

NADS #004

2008-11-17T19:16:00.000-06:00

I was thinking of stopping these, but poor Alyx has nothing else to hold on to. Every episode is a week sober for that boy.....

it kills me.

introspection.

2008-11-12T21:43:00.000-06:00

I've had this though many times throughout out the years and even when I was young. Its something completely out of a Charlie Kaufman movie, or at least a decent premise for him to play off of enough.

so anyway, here goes:

Its that feeling of being inside yourself. Ok this is gonna be harder than I thought. k. You know how right now, the only person you can control is yourself. You are the only person you can think for and will acts for. The only person who can see through your eyes and feel what you are feeling....its just you. you're the main character. no one else really exist cz only you are in ur body.....anything yet?

its kinda hard to explain....

...you see other ppl and they do as they wish and cant control you or you cant control them.only urself. staring around the room their are other ppl with you but you'll never be them, nor they you....

i tried.

nano-NADS #003 (SFW)

2008-11-10T17:27:00.000-06:00

So my partner in crime was out of town so you only get a nano-NADS ep this week.

DEAL WITH IT~!

"mmmm.....

rant #2415

2008-11-07T20:00:00.001-06:00

feed #241

2008-11-07T20:00:00.000-06:00

So......I ventured off today, oh lets say here nor there.

Last night I actually fell asleep kinda early. I was gonna eats something but decided not to, more like I fergot. But inter happened that thing that supposed to where if you dont eat anywhere near the time that you go to sleep then your body actually rejuvenates itself rather than spend all night digesting your late food. Much like that last fat guy wandering in the comic book store, taking forever to make his selection and causing the hip comic clerk at the register to succumb to starvation cz he shoulda gotten off 35 minutes ago.

...yeah, something like that.

Anywho, all of which caused me to have waken up pretty rejuvinated and I ventured out a bit with that energy. Went to a Target...Wal-Mart...drove aimlessly...then the mall on my way home. or as the french would say Le Centre Commercial, and viva la revolucion!

oh and while I was there, I had ona those moments where I was ashamed of mankind. I saw this guy walking along the mall with one of those leashes for their kids. I always shake my head and hope they see it so when I venture across these items. First off; just because they put teddy bear limbs and a head on a crossing strap and a leash leading back to the parent, they think we dont see it. Funny as I see it, it will practically be my field of study to hide these very obscene realities from mindless consumers for this that will make their said, life, easier.

I chuckled and walked further only to see a complete repetition of the scenerio two stores down.

I didnt chuckle twice.

So I headed home, but not before checking that ps2 memory cards are still $25 bux!?

......I know, I said the same thing~

Stopped by Lin's and got some to go.
okay so Ive seen the sign there, behind the register, that says $3.99lb....as I thought, well thats prolly get reached pretty fast by chinese food, cz its so heavy.

but then a choir of blue-men sang as it dawned on me.....I can get a pound of sushi OMFG!

so. I did.

actually I was walking back to the guy with the scale at the register and I was certain that i had at least 2-3 pounds or something. but it was actually 1 exact pound. I looove sushi and now see no reason in eating out anywhere else. plus uts like the only buffet place with good sushi.

"I had a match, but she had a lighter.
I had a flame, but she had a fire.
I was bright, but she was much brighter.
I was high, but she was the sky."
-cake

So im here now trying to think of some video idears and whatnot....

hope you enjoyed this rant as much as I did.

*end transmission*

April 28th

2008-11-06T00:01:00.000-06:00

I was reading back at some of my first blogs. This was the 4th entry I had put up. way back when no one would read my blog. I dont really have a definite explanation for doing this but maybe several...or for the reason your thinking. Regardless, you cant stop me~

The blue text is that very entry and reads as follows:

"screw it

At first it was kinda scattered, but it seems to be happening more and more to the point where its pretty much happening every night. The day could've been good, the day could've been bad. Regardless the outcome it proving more and more the same.

Once the friends retire to their homes and all the interesting things that can keep my mind at bay are gone......Im left to myself.
For most it can be quite a relaxing place to be just to kinda unwind or what have you.

Not for me.

Nights kill me, and are proving more and more difficult as the approach. Its not like a dentist appointment though where you can prolong it and/or its once every six months. Not this. It happens every night.

I feel alone.

I feel scared.

I am alone.

Problems that I have fade in and out and most of the topics I can bring to submission.
Say for one.

Im alone.
I have friends sure, but no one to call my own or one to call me their own.

This is ona those on going things with alot of ppl I guess, but I feel that its gonna stop me one day. Completely. I wont move after a certain point. I'll just take my seat and wait for everything to pass me by.

Ive learned pretty much in alot of things that if you want something bad enough, you should go and get it or make something of nothing.

Not here though.

I could build an entire city [and I have. Its so beautiful. You should see it. Colors and rays of light with fluries of light floating everywhere defying gravity. Purples and reds and oranges of all the like. Swirls of passion and endless fields of flowers through every window you might look out of.]
...but no one lives there. No one sits in the seats, no one sleeps in the beds, no one walks through the streets. No one has said yes. She doesn't want to live there...

This may all seem poetic and a bit farce in the sense that it sounds like a Disney movie. But this is me. This is who I am. This is probably the deepest and intimate thought I posses.

I cant vent this out, is the worst part.

...or maybe the worst part is that it will always be like this....................................

*sigh* "

NADS.002

2008-11-03T11:42:00.000-06:00

"I aint 'fraid no ghost..."

First Episode w00t! (SFW)

2008-10-27T11:35:00.000-05:00

Has anyone ever told you "Looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays?"
first off, I reckon someone'd get their ass kicked for saying something like that.
I digress...

I present to you: N.A.D.S. Episode #001

" why you lookin' at my nads, bro!? "

Blogger Friends~

2008-10-23T21:59:00.000-05:00

#####################################################################
ok so I though this would be kewl and I wanted to challenge/ask those who read my blog to do the same. Just for funzzies. Think of it as a tag kinda thing. ok? thnx. So the deal is that you have to use 21 1-3 word phrases that are completely separate ideas that describe whats going on in ur life right now. no answer is wrong. but dont describe youself, this is current stuff...not an "about me" Just a lil' fun for Morris...eh?
I promise a treat.
#####################################################################

gas station meals. JPOD. post-rock. lamps. thinking of you. driving alone. pseudo energy. happy pills. harmonizing. kohls. baseball. her. kill time. be yourself. sleepless nights. dreams of you. obama. love. serenity. making videos. cigarettes.

-morris.

Hogarth!

2008-10-22T18:34:00.000-05:00

vLog FAIL

2008-10-20T15:36:00.000-05:00

In class [non]assignment

2008-10-16T18:58:00.000-05:00

Im here in my photoshop class where Im already dine with a project others are snailing away at. Am I boasting? You better believe you knickers!

today was....lovely. I hardly use the word, but today is well deserving of it. Its sort of a weird lovely though. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Lovely.

I had on of those dreams last nite again. Where...well lets just say it was a"weird lovely" too.

I would have had a completely bad day had it not been for this awesome weather. It seemed as the day began that the weather and my dream cancelled out themselves. Though both lingered...the weather suppressed it all.

This all may seem vague and Im sorry.

I just dont understand how our own mids can betray us in such a way. As I thought more about it...I got to thinking of how it is that every other part of our body learns from its mistakes. Learns from negative reactionc from certain actions.

It only takes a human one scenerio to learn that fire can burn them.

So why is it that I think of you randomly. Sure there are things that remind me of you, but as soon as I have a quiet moment to myself or am trying to go to sleep. You're there. It never fails.
Oddly enough I can take the same fire scenerio and say that by burning myself I can feel something. It hurts but if I open my eyes...theres no where Id rather be.

"...yeah, you bleed judt to know your alive."

Im not too sure how to tranistion into this but, I noticing that love has become the horizon in my life. I can always see it, but oh how it seems I will never reach it. I speak of the romantic love of course. I know and see that ppl around me love me and though I wont say it back, its there.
but...I dont know. Its not that I see it undesireable, cz its not. I just find something wrong with eveyone I meet. Every girl that would show the slightest interest I can pondr on the idea for maybe .5 seconds before I throw it away. Its hard to settle for second best. To have something infront of you that you know isnt the pinnacle of what you could find. Pin point on a map. Drive to and see. Remember even. It is the taste of perfection that haunts me.....

....but I keep going back to this same house of ghost to sleep there. Its where I feel most at home~

"A Monarchy I say!"

2008-10-15T17:26:00.000-05:00

So....

Theres this guy in my class whos most likely right out of highskewl. 18 I would say. Im not gonn speak directly about him or even indirectly. But there something I see in him that is a pretty interesting concept in itself.

In this class, ike many, theres assignments. most if the time hes kinda half-ass about everything we do in class. and hes ona those guys that asks you for paper in class.

and old voice from highschool "Hey man, can I....uh....borrow some paper?"
as if their gonna give it back?

N-E-ways. I digress~

now I get the entire persona of not caring or shaping yourself into the casted rock og pop culture or peer pressure. Now ppl like this guy may think that they are accomplishing this feat, well they are to some extent. He/they have actually gone overboard.

I myself, in certain seasons of my life have almost drifted into this area. Like 99% of the things in this world; too much of anything can kill you.

The problem is that he's included himself in the mass of people who dont care about him or his action and whereabouts. I myself dont care about what too many ppl think, but there are some that I do. And most deffinately I hold myself in high regard in what I do too.

"am I doing this because I want to?......or....because I want them to see me do it?"

are mainly the fighting point in my head alot. diff for everyone though.

Strange Incdent #2544

2008-10-13T15:37:00.000-05:00

So.....

last night around 3am I was having this dream where I was editing this picture of, I think, a dirt rally car hugging some sort or ramp corner on a dirt race track. There were mountains and hills and trees in the background. The rally car was in the air over a ridge that had launched it airborne. So, for some reason, I was editing this spot under the car where the ramp ended....irrelevant. All I could remember was that every time I zoomed in on this spot to get a better look at what I was doing, I kept getting dizzy.

So, Id zoom back out....then Id try again and double vision. Back and forth in my dream I couldn't shake it.

My eyes shot open and I was in my room. Dizzy like....crazy dizzy and nauseous. I tried to center myself, which I've done before, but I couldn't........

I ran to the restroom and threw up. A good session of 4-5 heaves.
I thought of Josh's optimism towards the action...then heaved a final time.

The dizziness was gone. I got some toilet paper.wiped my mouth and to my left was my father with a glass of water...

The water tasted to sweet to be water, I then contemplated the thought of it being poisoned in an attempt my parents were making to keep me sick. I thought of "The Sixth Sense" scene where the mother gets caught with the fact that she was keeping her daughter sick.

nah, its nuts.

there was no stomach ache or anything of the sort. It was just the free standing dizziness. I had no trouble going to sleep. Checked my phone 3:13am. I couldn't help to think that something simultaneously was going on distant from me. Something synaptically linking me to it....causing me distress.

I waited a bit longer for my phone to ring.

nothing~

omar's Time Warner Truck

2008-10-12T15:25:00.000-05:00

There was a flux-capacitor, but we weren't allowed to film where it was on the truck. Plus it was more of a van than a truck....and yeah. whatevs~

Lead Poisoned...

2008-10-04T20:58:00.000-05:00

I blame Alyx.....he enticed me~

3:31am

2008-09-29T03:29:00.000-05:00

can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me. can't sleep, clowns will eat me...

Poem #67221

2008-09-25T15:36:00.000-05:00

Everything reminds me of you
You're in the molecules of everything I look at and
in the air that fills every empty space
I see you even in other peoples happiness

Its like a bubble with infinite surface tension
constantly there, sensitive to every whim
occasionally a sharp pin drives into it
challenging its force and seemingly bringing it
to a point of explosion, combustion

but nothing.

it settles.

My eyes still squinting from the massive problematic
that rules my life
the storm calms, but never to a cool breeze
just returns to a nominal still deadly threat
and I can walk again, for now.

I dont understand this binding force that travels from
me to you, but not vise-versa
Ive given up trying to
but not on you...

I wont let myself; not that its difficult
nor inconceivable.

but unfeasible~

Taco Challenge

2008-09-24T08:47:00.000-05:00

Taco Challenge from Morris on Vimeo.

I got there late.

Love Badges....

2008-09-19T16:34:00.000-05:00

Hey guys and gals.....and ninjas <.< >.> you know who you are.

anywho, Morris here. Thought I'd share ona the kewl widgets they got here on blogger that I thought was really kewl, plus seams like a real twitter knock off but whatever works I guess. Anyway, I could go into the details of this widget which pretty much are like badges of friends or followers of your blog. I though it was rather kewl and hope you'll add it too, so we could have little pics of each other and rub it in everyone face and all goo things of the sort. so pleez....

.::CLICK HERE FOR WIDGET INSTRUCTIONS::.

that is my ply.

[side note: morris can no longer be found on myspace] hah~

Wed-nite: McDonalds n' Post Rock

2008-09-18T01:08:00.000-05:00

9.17.08 from Morris on Vimeo.

Ray Boltz is gay...

2008-09-16T13:33:00.000-05:00

So....Im here in class. Finished an assignment that everyone still working on. The guy next to me [wears a rosary around his wrist, religiously] ironic I know. He'll ask me a question on Adobe Illustrator every 6mins or so....again...religiously.

but I digress...

and bored to death here. I finished the assignment and left early last week. only to come into class and realize we have more time to work on it. gah, its kew whatevs. as long as the class dznt end early. I really o crazy not knowing what to do between classes an breaks I have. and to someone like me its pretty stressful....time alone equals thoughts. thoughts that saturate me like a rain. feels good, but I know Im gonna get sick...I want more.

*sigh*

oh well....

my keyboard has nipples. yes u heard right. as I rest my fingers on the "home row" i can feel 'em. Its a mac keyboard.not so much like a windows typical one. the windows one has more of a small horizontal line while the mac ones have a centered brailed dot a the center of its "F" and "J" key....as you can see im bored and you will succumb and be at the mercy of my mindless drone thoughts. yes.....at least for the duration of the blog.

I need a job, im figuring more and more. I still need two books and dont want to ask my parents cz as always the financial state is never a mystery for my dad to blurt out during an given conversation. Just this morning it went as so....

"your leaving?"
"yeah, Im off to class"
"ok bye. how much gas do you have?"
"like quarter tank...ish?"
"well *gag* we're barley gonna make the house payment with you mothers check *vomit* and..."
*excessssss information later*
o_O...."ok well im going now"

Then he feels like crap for hearing himself outloud and to some extent that he's failed me. Then I start to get a lil depressed that is until my self induces atarexia kicks in. that and music. music will always be my island. plus I have a 30min drive which is also my "virgin island"
*tip of the hat to josh*
so yeah, I have like stuff to read already but no money for books.

and........Im looking over a four leaf clover, that Ive overlooked before~

oh yeah! Me and Alyx....ahem sry.

...Alyx and I have revamped our band with Johnny who dznt know yet, but is to be moved onto the drums. as punishment for his sins! [jk] but yeah, we started working on some stuff, and no longer hindered by the constraints of pop culture in music to fully express ourselves in the fullness of that of.....post-rock.
Some may have heard of it and some not. its a blissful genre with its ocean of feeling. never have I felt so content with music i make or am a part of. truly lifting. then again every song has its expression.

There is no bad or good emotion, it is all expression.

Its true though, cz everyone thinks as bad or sad emotions as such a terrible thing. granted they will do a number on people. but i dunno, when you're not so bias towards it....you learn to see that ts simply how it is. cz then your sad about being sad. and why!? cz ppl tell you its not good to be sad.....

in other words, its not good to express yourself in a manner of negative emotions. which is ridiculous.

so....yes~

So....its 2:04pm and the intructor said he was gonna start something up at 2:00pm. maybe he's gonna fight someone? you know...."start something up"? hopefully.meh.

what else, what else, what else.......

oh yeah something wierd that I didnt really know where else to say, but I guess here will do.

as most who read this know already. The horrible day that Caroline's dad passed on. she called me and she hadnt in a while. it caught me off guard to to what I learned. I didnt think of it at the time but thought it totally farce later in the day.

that very morning I woke up from a very dream where my dad had died. I even woke up all accelerated and i felt my face against the pillow like it was crying, shriveled face and all. no tears but just about all the physical aspects of it. I awoke weirded out, but remembering the dream very vividly. I didnt think to tell anyone nor that it would be a good conversation that led to nothing, but twas very strange.

I dunno.

well the intructors just about to kick things off again. but I dont believe him.

byefornow~

Haiku Thursday

2008-09-04T22:15:00.000-05:00

The day is not over yet, so I will Haiku on.....

::Zombies::

There is no safe place.
only safer than the last.
got to go,hear moans.

::Gentle[wo]man::

Your hand held the door.
I hurried to be polite.
smiles seemed to appear.

::You::

I cant forget you.
your pristine beauty glues me.
the wind grows too strong...

Blind Squirrels with Computers

2008-09-03T12:35:00.000-05:00

So, theres something that I've known for quite some time. Never really blogged about it, but for some reason I choose to now.

I've almost always been that "safe guy". yknow that guy that none of the girls fall for immediately, if not indefinitely. And for the most part vise-versa. I've seen this murky puddle of infatuation that people dwell on too long and mistake it for love only to ruin anything that was there to begin with. Not that I've never wanted to dabble in such things, but I find it harder to succumb to something I was unsure of. Plus Im very pessimistic.

In most cases I find myself quoting sir Ben Gibbard: "...you are beautiful, but you dont mean a thing to me."

but....

just as a blind squirrel finds an acorn every once in a while. Its bound to happen...

and boy when you feel whats infront of you and slowly but surely you realize that its an acorn. You feel like you've won the lottery. Other people have one the lottery before and know what you're feeling, still.....you feel singled out and no one knows just how great you feel.

So Im a blind squirrel, I guess.

I digress though. Things dont always work how we want them to and even more in the case of this sticky thing we call love. In my case where few times I fallen for another, truly, its never been too favorable....for lack of a better word.

The more recent case, to be specific, has yet to wear off. Not that its desired, its by far the hardest fall of yet.

According to my Deviant ART journal entry its been like 2.5 years. and its hasnt really diminish, if anything grown.

With my pessimism, I dont really think Im waiting for anything, just feel...I dunno, "placed" if that makes any sense to anyone

ok, so Im not sad r anything, just clear that up, just something I wanted to blog and write out to hear it in my head and more jsut gave me a chance to dissect it and.....etc

whatevs.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

on another note, skewl it really kew, learning any doing things that I actually want to learn and do. Learning alot of theory on how the stuff I had done for so long in image and video editing. now I understand what gz on in the background, and trust me....its very intriguing.

except for some mickey mouse class that I have. Its like basic computing with this teacher that such a douche. I dont mind doing these things that are superfluously simple task, but she almost mocks students who dont know where something is on the comp and further more she wants us to be "college students" and "get with the program" while she's using terms like "Box #1" and Im like "its called a fucking window".....then shes like "okay take everything off, class." im like wtf? ...oh you must mean "close all the windows, you retard!"

I was gonna give her some of my mind, but she had students she had to sort stuff out with after class.....gah@! stupid woman.

maybe I'll write her an angry email.....

*digs in search for a thesaurus*

Haiku Thursday

2008-08-28T12:11:00.000-05:00

Just a couple Haikus in celebration of Haiku Thursday. Still wallowing in my head and minute observations. Thus....

"Starting at TSTC"

first week in new school
second chance has been granted
cant screw up this time

"Still Mind"

in times of stillness
one thinks of imperfections
but I think of you...

"Sucky Wheather"

dry sun turns to rain
rain teases the eyes to close
sun returns, sticky...

Boredom in Highchairs

2008-08-26T11:34:00.000-05:00

So.....

Im at skewl and Im really bored. First class was scheduled to last from 9am to like 12, but in the tradition of first class days most teachers tend to let 'em out early. Would really mind it too much, but Im in another city now and nothings really near. I dont really know anyone so Im pretty much subjected to the campus' whim.

Even though its only like 25min away from home, there still this far away feeling. Its only reasonable since, I mean, there are completely other worlds and people Ive never met or seen. Everyone....well most people here came from their own schools together and its just gonna take some stepping out and making fiends. I dont want come off as creepy, but Im also not one of those persons who can go through some sort of place im gonna regularly be at and feel that I dont have to be social. Nor do I feel that I have to, I want to.

Its still the first day, so I dont expect anything today but I know it will be kewl. Meeting people is one of my favorite things to do. Theres so many variables to humans its always interesting to see whats out there you havent seen. More-so-over than a place or an object cz they're people, so you can interact and...well you get the point.

So.....yes.

oh and BTW, Im at the infamous Internet cafe again :D

bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored.bored......and bored

I had to kill the guy using this computer so theres blood all over the keyboard. He wouldnt get off, and I wasnt about to wait for this guy to decide to get off either. Everyone saw but said nothing, they understood what had to be done. Security came and was about to detain me and get all up ons but I told them I was part black and new alot of black people, so they kinda stepped back and were like "whoa....we dont want any trouble man."

*looks around for black people*

yup, thats what happened.

In other news, I hear there was some assassination attempt of suspicion or something or another from some white supremacy group on Obama but didnt read too much into. Prolly will later.

I want a soda, but I fear that if I get up people will jump onto my computer and steal it from me. Plus Im not too sure I can play the black card again. I dont want to go to jail so....I'll hold it.

I was outside for a while, but its waaaay to hot and musty/humid to be lingering about on foot. The suns coming out and the morning defense against mosquitoes is gone.

I was noticing the other day that sometimes when I feel that I write alot on here, it still only takes peolpe like 2min to read the whole thing. So that sucks. Its almost like a 15 = 1 translation in minutes to writting. well maybe like 15 to 2 but whatever, I digress.

well thats it I got nothing else.

With tired eyes...

2008-08-25T15:26:00.000-05:00

" you're gonna be somebody.
you're going to school.
dont bullshit, man. dont bullshit. "

" huh!? "

" you're lucky to be going to school. dont bullshit. "

I was tired of driving to and fro from city to city settling all these screw ups at TSTC....peeved at the lack of how all this has turned out.

This guy was taking off his bike off a rack. He was a black skinny kinda lanky guy. He was older than me, but not alot. Seemed late 20's or 30.

Today was weird.

I woke up around 6am ready for my first day of skewl. Still a little iffy on some stuff. I checked my schedule online to learn that all my classes had been dropped. Sort of a colossal moment the more it started to sink in. Thoughts of never getting to got back to skewl and struggling to pay back loans on a low income job that would slowly but surely grow into an acceptable lifestyle for me.
Thoughts of getting in my car and driving off to San Antonio kicked in. At least I'd get a job with friends if I was gonna inherit this life, I was gonna make the first move.

All this cz I slacked off and thought the lack of adequate class dynamics at UTB weren't worth my effort. I had now fallen too low on my GPA to get any aid in going back to skewl, money-wise.

...it seemed to be so.

The sudden, but slight depression grew a thin crusty layer at the surface. A little layer that had the chemical properties of anger and resentment. Towards the system, I guess. So I got up and took off to Harlingen, expecting every door of chance to be shut. I got there and started to dilly-dally with lines and people. Sending me back and forth from place to place but not answering my questions. At this point the crust had moved around a little and I was accepting my fate once again. Answers began to come as I carried out more and more tasks.

There was seriously alot of stuff I spared but I trusted none of it until I came out on top. Usually my way of thinking.

=I got my classes back.
=Cleared that I was from another country. [I know]
=Financial aid kicked in [after the lie that I didnt even apply for it]
=Made a payment on the white meat.
=Parking Permit.

Now I was still a little pensive that financial aid had not covered it all, I was walking back into the building with my license plate number to get my parking sticker.

Thats when the conversation at the top commenced. At first I treated it as on of that freak accidents where a stranger talks to you outta nowhere.
I got my permit.

got in my car.

cursed a bit about tstc.

then this guys comment sailed into my head.
The green depth of sudden slight depression shifted within itself and grew a glow of deep orange, if you will. Then purple.
The orange being a sense of privilege and how right he was. I was lucky and should feel it so. Our parents try to show us this and its one of those annoying things that we will even tell younger people as we learn and grow older. I get to be somebody, meaning what I choose. Not getting stuck with something. I've thrown this chance to the wind before, but I can bullshit this time.

Then purple, in shame of how I wanted more and more and more at all times when I had crapped out on so much. Thinking I was entitled to a buffet of gratitude for no effort.

He was right. He was absolutely right. I cant even remember his face, but he said it as it was.

I'm glad to be going to skewl and that I have another chance to get back on track and do something I actually like for the rest of my life. I thank my parents too.

I'm gonna pick a really good retirement home for 'em.

I jest.....I jest~

Haiku Thursday

2008-08-21T12:16:00.000-05:00

"The Letter"

Let me tell you why,
After this one I will stop,
I will disappear.

Some Internet Cafe...pfft!

2008-08-19T13:41:00.000-05:00

So Im here at the "Internet Cafe" @ TSTC in Harlingen. First off I will say to TSTC....calm yourselves. Just cz someone sets up some high chairs and computers with internet access, dz not mean that its all off a sudden a cafe. I was misled.

Bastards.

More so cz everything here is "down" according to everyone either scratching their head with a pen or behind a desk is sharing that answer here today. Like its some sort of defense mechanism so you wont jump over the desk and wring their over payed and glorified title necks. I digress.

Yeah it sucks.

Plus im using Internet Explorer. not too happy bout that.

Im hungry.

Waiting for the network to come back up cz my bro [jarvs] is trying to get some PIN so he can register. Best if he dz it today, cz any later would be risking losing the classes he wants. yeah.

on a related not, I have to admit Im a lil scared that my financial aid hasnt kicked in, not for the reason that its taking a bit, but I think I subconsciously know that Im not sure im entitled to any. I hope I slip through the Governments fingers this time through. Just enough to get mu GPA back up and on the okie-dokie-hunky-dorie train.....I just made that up.

and if the governemtn is listening to this, "Im sry. Im really gonna try this time. UTB sucked at offering Digital Media courses, but TSTC actually ahs a program. Plz gimme money"

pitiful I am really.... u_u;

Well UTB did suck at having good media classes and programsn and such. tis true. or as a dear friend says "true story"
They've only got like a two part Digital Imaging class thats run by a boderline pedophile. Caressing your back or putting his hand on your shoulders everytime he asks "hows it going?" "is everything alright?"

what a freak.

Stay away from Batsell at UTB.

I remember totally flinching and teaching that monkey a lesson. got the attention of the class. I jumped up and everything, still to the level of belief and enought o scare him out of anymore sneak attacks. Cheeky bastard.

on an across the board note. I wrote a letter two nights ago. now im trying to muster the strength to give it to its recipient....

Im sad, I know.

w00t! fewd, k bye for now~

.::Green Lights of Wednesday::.

2008-08-13T23:21:00.000-05:00

Turns out theres this place called a "gym". I dont know if I spelled that correctly.

hah, I jest~

but yeah, Gino got me n Chris some passes. Im not one much for the weight lifting thing, maybe later. I went strait for the running thing aka treadmill. Cardio' for you enthusiasts. Its funny though, cz you always think how lazy one is to start working out, but once your their you get more energy to actually do it. Who ever set it up like that deserves a marketing award. but I digress...

also. after we were ready to leave we felt all ashamed to go to Wendy's, and rightfully so I would guess. So we went to Subway. w00t~

I kept going back to the running cz it was most satisfying, but I need better shoes. The soles on converse suck for running. I ran like a totaly of 3.6 miles in the cinema room or whatever, they were playing Even Almighty, but I couldnt look cz my perspective got thrown off every time i glanced, started path digressing n such.

oh well.....

I have to get up tomorrow for orientation and I hope it is tomorrow. I was kind of asleep when I was on the phone with the TSTC guy. I'll call tomrrow when I wake though, dont want to show up for nothing like a goof.

and.

I saw Tropic Thunder too. Rober Downey jr. was freaking hillarious.made the movie in my oppinion.

oh well.

later days~

Sylvia and Manny, miss you guys...

2008-08-09T08:01:00.000-05:00

I was going through some old stuff I had. Proudly Ive actually minimized my relics of things Ive saved to a small accordion like folder thing. Papers mostly. There were some that caught me and even took me back to where I sat in high school with the two specific friends I had.

Sylvia and Manny.

To be precise Sylvia Ann Lopez and Emanuel [fergot, sry bro]

It was 2004 winter and I was finishing school early.Half a year early, but early nonetheless. I had Sylvia and Manny for Drawing 2 or 3 something like that. One-a those do nothing classes, almost. She was really cool and so was Manny. Some of the coolest friends Ive ever had, as I can recall now. So anyways, I was leaving mid-semester. Now I dont remember like tears and stuff but these things they wrote now seems like I was departing onto the Titanic or something. There was this like half paragraph from Sylvia and the rest were doodles of friendship n such. Then a high school newsletter that they both ranted on with a sharpie. There was another one from Manny but Sylvia didnt see it on the count that he was too proud to give me a a goodbye in front of a girl. I must admit though, it was the most poetic I had ever seen Manny. heh.

I dont mean to use Hallmark words here or anything but looking back on these things is really heartwarming. I mean really. It is.

I was trying to look 'em up online, never really done that sorta stuff for people. No luck, but I stopped after Myspace.

More than heartwarming, which it really was, I came back to that. Almost wanted to be there again. I was far from one of these school spirit people, but I held and still hold friends higher than anything. Yes, even family.

Then I noticed.

Who the hell do we think we are! I mean literally.
We live in an era where people cant stand each other. We'd rather drive off to a distant city instead of enduring with our friends. Not fixing, but letting our problems make us who we are. I mean, if in high school we could get along with 20-30 people we had to sit next to everyday, and even they people you didnt like you'd still laugh together with when you'd be stuck in a group with. Sure not everyone was your friend, but heck you made it work.

I think this is just one of those moments where I have to bring it back. Im not really pressing this but admitting that it gets to me and I'm gonna bring it back on myself.
Things are so much harder, alot, 500 times harder than we think they are. I mean that of course in that way that we gt ourselfves here.

If you take everyone you know and go back to school and face these people everyday and get stuck in a classroom. You'll be laughing and bonding like you cannot see right now. It works. Dont you get it. It works. We just think were big shits now. No one admits they're doing horrible, cause they think everyone else is fine, but the truth is everyones keeping it to themselves.

No wonder arragned marriges have the lowet divorce rate~

I feel......

2008-08-04T03:18:00.000-05:00

I feel weird....

...sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my life. I mean, I dont need too much purpose to it. Just more to do and learn something everyday.

I know that I am the only one who can change this, just harder than it sounds. When I do get the nerve to get up and get out, Im faced with the halting wall that theres no one to hang out with or share my enthusiasm. Its hard to be the only artistic one at times. Well most of the time.

...and its not just that. It seems like all my friends, all the ppl I know are pairing off and webbing off into other lives. Its more than a fear now, cz it was already for a while, but after a while I know I'll left behind, and thats ok. I guess I was never one for the American dream. Surprisingly though, I am only now realizing that I was around so many who were...

To each his own I guess. Just feels like I wasted so much time, building these relationships and bonds only to come back to them from one day to the next and realize it was all a ruse, a hoax even.

I had it though. In San Antonio. What I had always looked for.

but...

I dunno. Its like a small part of me did want some of the dream. It brought me back to a place that I dont even recognize anymore.

Why is it that every spot you're not standing in looks better than where you are..............?

Clash

2008-07-10T02:04:00.000-05:00

There's a clash in my head....well to be honest, in my heart, tonight.

I can't stop thinking about you.

but.

when the notion of its possibility comes in...

I won't.

I need you so much closer....

2008-07-07T01:56:00.000-05:00

So ive been listening to this Death Cab for Cutie song; "Transatlanticism" pretty regularly, as a matter of fact its the song I go to first when I get in my car.

So alot of thoughts have been lingering around it.

I love the picture it paints though. Its an ocean being born right before his eyes growing bigger and bigger and theres nothing he can do about it. This vast thing that is continually more and more separating him from what he loved more than anything on this Earth, it would seem.

Then I thought further...

You know those moments where you'll do anything to stop something from happening. I mean something traumatic and so epic to your life that you will claw tooth and nail to stop and undo. Like watching some one you know burn alive, but people hold you back from helping cz you'll only hurt yourself. You fight and fight, curse and scream...and thats usually where the "movie scene" would end. But after that moment is what interested me.
You accept that theres nothing you can do and if you try you'll only hurt someone else. No one has to hold you back anymore. You get it. Now you just sit there and it starts to sink in.
[The ocean is growing]
...it just sinks in more and more and more. People say "it just has to sink it, and then you'll accept it." You do accept it and it dz sink in...and sinks in, and sinks in.

The truth is that if it was something big enough...it never stops sinking in. Everyday, years later. Its still sinking in.

The ocean gets bigger and bigger between you and what you love with such intensity that you will never stop loving it/her/him no matter how big the ocean gets, no matter how long its been, no matter what others say.

"I need you so much closer..."

Life's not Perfect

2008-07-01T13:04:00.000-05:00

Big shocker, I know.

Even though this is major common knowledge I can say that few actually believe themselves when they hear or say this. For the longest time it tried to move over various areas of my life and fix them. Alot of what I was doing was patching stuff for some big day when that area of my life would get better. Some areas did get better and the wound closed up quite nicely. But I got spoiled and assumed that it would happen for everything everywhere.
Thats not true though. I realize now.

Somethings will never fix or get better. For most I have to settle on a slightly undesirable alternative and for other aspects it will come later if not at all, and thats life.

We are who we are because of how this messed up world works.

Given; if you can move out of the way from an on-coming car....do it! but stuff thats out of our reach and beyond us can be dealt with as far as we go.
Dont wait for some higher power or the winds to make it better. You're the only one it effects if something does or doesn't get done. You're the only one that changes if something happens or doesn't happen. No one else is altered like you. So why should anyone or anything else intervene. Coincidences do happen where someone fixes something that was also troubling you, but those odds aren't worth relying on.

I am who I am because of what I've allowed to happen, not because of the rules I've hidden behind.

Eight Ante Meridiem...

2008-06-21T08:25:00.000-05:00

Well its about 8:30am, and Im up.

Not cz I got up, I might add. You need to go to sleep first in order to wake up.

So, I thought Id blogg. cz I havent in a while so here goezzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

Been watching House MD recently which is freggin' awesome, its got a kinda redundant theme ie. patient care but it had a very intruiging underlining occurance of twist, turns and plenty of shouts.

"The ones with the Guns" is proving quite productive and hope it keeps where its sailing. I sense a sort of bubbling somewhere, but thats prolly just me fabricating stuff.
We have two songs down n solid and with a dependant source of me and my depression the poetic injustices of songs will flow continually and without cease, or so it seems.
on the not so lighter side one of my machine heads on my guitar broke......dag yo.

A dear friend of mine suggested that we start somwhat of a filming adventure and without putting much thought into in we are gonna start without notice as well. Just jump in. With my techniques and his writing, not to mention his nack for writing, the possiblilities are endless. Well at least endless to the immit of how not lazy we're feeling.

*fake grin*

Never was one to grin. Speaking of grinning. Not much of that going on.
I think the thing that bugs me the most about depression, if you will, is the fact that there's like this line of ppl thatit attracts who try to fix you. If there ever was a time for a friend to tunr into a doctor it is the absolute worste timing. Serioulsy. Dont do it.
Then theres the on average 4 to 5 visits from my dad to my room to randomly walk in and sit or stand behind me. Just stands there and sighs.

"Are you okay?"

"yeah. fine."

As if I myself knew. Even if I did thats not the way Id go about it. er......whatever.

been thinking about going to Starbucks n demanding a job. If I can muster enough energy I may do that today.......

I think thats about it.

oh yeah, thnx to Silvia im kinda doing sum art stuff. meh~

EXPLODE~!!!1

Minimalism.

2008-06-04T18:10:00.000-05:00

Wow.....minimalism is starting to even hit the chewing gum market. Feels like something was skipped if it went from tech, more specifically Apple, to chewing gum. That is interesting isn't it...........?

There was another brand that peaked this thought, but I couldnt find a picture for it. It was called PURE. It was an all black case and has the word "Pure" in white thin text then "Spearmint" in green in about 60% smaller text under it.

Interesting isnt it.........

...isnt it!

Ghosts.

2008-05-02T18:59:00.000-05:00

K. First off....just hear me out. This isnt what you would think it be.....

I remember what I thought of ghosts before I met Jesus. I thought them to be multi dimensional occurrences, whether by accident or purpose. Just a sort of unexplained "Unsolved Mysteries" kinda thing. whoa!, who remembers that show...

Then after I met Jesus, I thought of it more as demons and stuff trying to get you cz apparently you did something to let them to open a door or what have you....watever.

but....

I get it now.

I really do.

Ghosts; "things you can see that haunt you. and usually some sort of death to them at one point."

I believe in ghost in a totally different way...well I guess it dznt matter if you believe in something or not. It never seems to change the fact that something is true or fictitious.
I have things that haunt me, that were once dead or at least I thought I had left them for dead. Things tat I cannot snatch and strangle by the neck to leave me alone, no matter how hard I want or try to.
They also seem to come more prominently at night.

Which explains alot.......................

right through me

2008-04-28T05:46:00.000-05:00

I almost don't want to post this cz of the people who will see this, but I have no where else to let this out. So.......

screw it

At first it was kinda scattered, but it seems to be happening more and more to the point where its pretty much happening every night. The day could've been good, the day could've been bad. Regardless the outcome it proving more and more the same.

Once the friends retire to their homes and all the interesting things that can keep my mind at bay are gone......Im left to myself.
For most it can be quite a relaxing place to be just to kinda unwind or what have you.

Not for me.

Nights kill me, and are proving more and more difficult as the approach. Its not like a dentist appointment though where you can prolong it and/or its once every six months. Not this. It happens every night.

I feel alone.

I feel scared.

I am alone.

Problems that I have fade in and out and most of the topics I can bring to submission.
Say for one.

Im alone.
I have friends sure, but no one to call my own or one to call me their own.

This is ona those on going things with alot of ppl I guess, but I feel that its gonna stop me one day. Completely. I wont move after a certain point. I'll just take my seat and wait for everything to pass me by.

Ive learned pretty much in alot of things that if you want something bad enough, you should go and get it or make something of nothing.

Not here though.

I could build an entire city [and I have. Its so beautiful. You should see it. Colors and rays of light with fluries of light floating everywhere defying gravity. Purples and reds and oranges of all the like. Swirls of passion and endless fields of flowers through every window you might look out of.]
...but no one lives there. No one sits in the seats, no one sleeps in the beds, no one walks through the streets. No one has said yes. She doesn't want to live there...

This may all seem poetic and a bit farce in the sense that it sounds like a Disney movie. But this is me. This is who I am. This is probably the deepest and intimate thought I posses.

I cant vent this out, is the worst part.

...or maybe the worst part is that it will always be like this....................................

*sigh*

Wrath

2008-04-25T01:48:00.000-05:00

Its a funny thing this "Spirit of Wrath" , if you will but entertain the name.

I was walking down my hallway in mah house and I started to enter this atmosphere. Funny how you never notice the properties of this atmosphere.

Lemme explain;
Have you ever seen how a serious argument between two ppl at a party can take the center. Everything else begins to quiet. It sucks all the other feelings out of the room....feelings of fun, goofyness, casual, conversation, love, etc.

well this was kinda going on.

My mother was on the phone in the dining table with all sorts of mail and documents scattered infront of her. It was some insurance thing and the whole house [my tow brothers and I] we could see she was in her "take no crap" voice.

Now granted it wasnt that serious, but it had been a while since I'd seen this "Spirit of Wrath". I was walking towards it and got sucked in. I was still in the kitchen though.

I had my guitar on me that I had already been parading through the house. So, I decided to try and challenge it, even fight it off a bit with some one-spot worship.

It was one of the more strange worship experiences I had been in. To intentionally challenge something.

Usually at church its more of a general thing but this was in the face of it all. I can picture now how musicians and worshipers were sent into battle, how they must've been scared shitless and still understood how much it challenged the other side and keep doing what they were doing, even if it had to be through their cringed teeth.

crazy if you ask me....

Identity Theft. NOT.

2008-04-19T22:06:00.000-05:00

So I was at this....uhh....we'll call it a benefit, of some sort.

Anywho.

I was caught up in a conversation with Pastor Bob Ordeman [iccenter.org pastor].
, and we were talking about identity theft and things of the such. From social security stealing to people who swipe you credit information by merely standing next to you long enough catching the information waves emitting from your card itself in your wallet. So, in todays day in age, one doesn't even need to physically steal anything.

scary.

exactly.

I admit I've been scammed more than once, but to imagine someone making purchases out there and going to town with money you've worked for. eek!

I kinda relive the conversation and enjoy the smaller facts, like for example:

No one can ever steal who I am, no matter how crazy this stuff [technology] gets.

and intern got me thinking:

No one can steal who I am in Christ. To take something from God?

Impossible.

....rest in ease of that my friends

Things left unexplained

2008-04-16T03:22:00.000-05:00

I was listening to the last tracks on the David Crowder* Band CD - A Collision.

Crowder goes on to say:

"...the atom, its a symbol. You see that and you think
atom. It shows electrons moving in electrical
paths around the nucleus and all. We know that's not
how an atom works...or looks even for that matter."

He goes on to say that its a representation of worship. Since scientist can't really illustrate the exact workings of an atom, they create this representation to make it easy to understand and follow. So it's kinda like when someone/you see a painting or hear a song that just gets you. Perhaps how you feel when you eat your favorite meal or hug the one you love above all else. We don't have definitions or math equations to portray these things. But perhaps the best thing is symbolism.

~The "Rock on!' hand gesture that lets us jam on a little longer...

~The Rose that at times carries words that really cant be said...

~The Cross representing how far God was willing to go, and a way out

see where I'm going....

Jesus used it alot too when He said; "The Kingdom of God is like..." [matt 13]
...wheat and tares
...a mustard seed
...a treasure hidden in a field
...a net let down into the lake

etc.

My point is that Jesus coulda been like "Okay guys, The Kingdom of God is like....ok if you can feel, its like this color...uhm *Jesus waves his hands* and lots of wind with...uhh.....and yeah."

everyone woulda been like "whaaa!?" o_O;
"this dudes crazy."

Sometimes things cant be explained. At least not until you feel it or go through it. Then you'll know and its not like you can even explain it to anyone once you do get it. You just do.

This are better left unexplained.....