Posted by Morris in - 4.28.2008 5:46 AM
I almost don't want to post this cz of the people who will see this, but I have no where else to let this out. So.......

screw it

At first it was kinda scattered, but it seems to be happening more and more to the point where its pretty much happening every night. The day could've been good, the day could've been bad. Regardless the outcome it proving more and more the same.

Once the friends retire to their homes and all the interesting things that can keep my mind at bay are gone......Im left to myself.
For most it can be quite a relaxing place to be just to kinda unwind or what have you.

Not for me.

Nights kill me, and are proving more and more difficult as the approach. Its not like a dentist appointment though where you can prolong it and/or its once every six months. Not this. It happens every night.

I feel alone.

I feel scared.

I am alone.

Problems that I have fade in and out and most of the topics I can bring to submission.
Say for one.

Im alone.
I have friends sure, but no one to call my own or one to call me their own.

This is ona those on going things with alot of ppl I guess, but I feel that its gonna stop me one day. Completely. I wont move after a certain point. I'll just take my seat and wait for everything to pass me by.

Ive learned pretty much in alot of things that if you want something bad enough, you should go and get it or make something of nothing.

Not here though.

I could build an entire city [and I have. Its so beautiful. You should see it. Colors and rays of light with fluries of light floating everywhere defying gravity. Purples and reds and oranges of all the like. Swirls of passion and endless fields of flowers through every window you might look out of.]
...but no one lives there. No one sits in the seats, no one sleeps in the beds, no one walks through the streets. No one has said yes. She doesn't want to live there...

This may all seem poetic and a bit farce in the sense that it sounds like a Disney movie. But this is me. This is who I am. This is probably the deepest and intimate thought I posses.

I cant vent this out, is the worst part.

...or maybe the worst part is that it will always be like this....................................


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